About 3 years ago, my life started to face some subtle change. Everything looked perfect on the surface. I had a good supportive wife and family, some close friends, a secure job, and not short financially. An average person should feel much blessed and satisfied. But deep down, I just don’t understand why I can’t be happy and joyful. I did not want to admit I have a problem and slowly am become angry with everyone in my life.
Because of my frustration and struggling alone, unconsciously I become very irritable and impatience against my wife and daughter at very little things they do or say, even if it’s a joke or simple comments. I feel everyone was against me. I recall that everyday I wanted to die so as to end all the emotional pain I was experiencing. I lost interest to carry out my responsibility at home and at work. Eventually I start loosing my self esteem by not meeting the expectation on my role as a father, son and an employee, and this caused even more anger and unhappiness. I tried to escape my unhappiness at home by going out cruising in my car till late, watching TV, surfing on internet and drinking. Just then I started communicating on-line with a lady. It started like nothing personal then becoming more personal. I then felt this lady know me better and understand me better than my wife at home. And I just want to spend every minute I have talking to her. She also shared her marriage problem with me than we decided we are so right for each other. This other relationship consumed all my energy and an effort that I finally I no longer notice my wife and daughter needed me. I thought I found my real identity. I no longer have interest to talk to my wife or even listen to her. I launched at her with full anger to scare her off to shut her up. I thought I was finally happy, but this happiness only shorted lived while I am on-line or phone with this lady. But most of the time at home or work, I was still very tense and very angry. It was exciting of wanting to know this person in real person, just as we were planning to meet up maybe to end up committed the most serious sin as a Christian, my sin became exposed. This was the lowest point of my marriage where I might loose it all including my daughter. We decided to seek help by attending marriage counseling with Pastor James Doss at Amazing Grace Christian Fellowship Church.
During the counseling, I started to understand the root of the problem was my ego and pride. God revealed through Pastor James that I was keeping a lot of resentment probably even from my childhood and teenage years, I grew to be self centered and lack of communication with people. My strong ego formed as a barrier to receive God’s wisdom and ignored the rebuke of the Holy Spirit. And I was blinded to see God’s blessing which already surrounding me, and I was not able to sense love or giving love to other people. Instead of seeking God’s way, I have chosen my own way. God is a loving God; he has given us the gift of free will. I lacked the faith and did not seek God during my misery and chose to go my own way. During our counseling sessions, I confessed each identified sin and was guided to renounce and break all bondage of current and passed sins as well as generational sins of coming from a broken family. I asked for forgiveness from God and from my wife and to forgive all other people who hurt me in the past.
Slowly I could draw myself closer and closer in my daily walk with Christ. I sense gradual positive transformation in myself, my marriage, my career and my relationship with others. I was able to totally break ties with the lady I knew. I am able to enjoy my daughter to the fullest as the greatest gift from God. I became more joyful, peaceful and patience with my wife and to slowly gain her trust with me again. I was able to commit better in all areas including my involvement with my Choir mission and was finally allowed to perform on stage to worship God. Today, my wife and I are experiencing a closer union of love, understanding, patience, marital joy and appreciation with each other. We are now making efforts to express love to each other whenever we have the opportunity. And our love for each other has grown stronger. We have become best friends, the most compatible partner and we sharing about everything by communicating and seek solace from each other. I am now ready to witness and testify for God on his almighty power in restoration and reconciliation on broken relationships and a healer for painful hearts. I have finally understood and finally feel the joy on the trial I experienced, which he has transformed me into a new character and have saved my marriage which in just a year ago was breaking. Now not only we experience true love with each again, our marriage has become stronger than ever. Our God is a God of reconciliation and total forgiveness. I believe we will be a witness for God to Christian and non-Christian marriages. A faith and hope to troubled marriages not to give up and to allow God to come into your heart and your marriage to heal the wound and renewed your love with each other.
“Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Mark 10:9)
By Bro James
10th June 2009
